What's Up With That?

by Tom Kuzeja - March 17, 2000

What's Up With That?

Erin Go Braless

I'm sitting here at the office on this dreary St. Patrick's Day in the northeast... just thinking back to the traditions around this "holiday" in my home town of Holyoke. People would really get into it. I never really did though. Being Polish, I didn't have any strong desire to participate in the Wearing 'o the Green.

One of the big things were these Erin-Go-Bragh banners hanging everywhere. Now when you're a boy in the sixth or seventh grade (or in my case, the second grade) and you begin to become aware of brassieres, you naturally start mutating this phrase to Erin Go Braless. God forbid you were a young girl named Erin because idiots like me would ask you about a hundred billion times, "Erin, did you go braless today?" That's really funny about the first six thousand times you say it, but come the afternoon, it gets old. You eventually outgrow it though. At least that's what I've heard. I haven't yet.

Another thing that was annoying to me was the o-factor. The Wearing 'o the Green, the Smiling 'o the Eyes... that sort of thing. The Biting 'o My Schphonz. On parade day, I saw a lot of the o-factor. The Vomiting 'o the Drunks, the Swearing 'o the Idiots, the Exposing 'o the Perverts, and the Cuffing 'o the Drunk and Disorderly. Things like that.

Kiss me I'm Irish. There's another one for you. Like being Irish in Holyoke on St. Patrick's day was license to freely drop all morals and tramp out. Not that there's anything wrong with that! But it's confusing when one day you happen upon a lovely red headed Irish girl at the parade and proceed to lock lips with her and then get smacked by her the next day when you ask her if she's still braless. Tough crowd.

The parade in Holyoke was a big thing. I marched in the High School marching band and we got into it. People went nuts when we played. And the only thing we played was Irish music. I never understood why these other bands would play tunes like The Main Theme from Star Wars or Staying Alive from Saturday Night Fever during the St. Patrick's Day parade in Holyoke. That was almost dangerous.

I can't remember the song, but my brother Jim and I would play the Oscar Mayer hot dog theme instead of the real tune and it fit in well. Kind of a counter melody. And most of the drunks on the street got into it too. I think it was to My Wild Irish Rose. If you know that song, hum the first part and then on the second verse hum the Oscar Mayer theme. I'm telling you, it will start the Flowing 'o the Tears.

Yeah, I guess I do really miss all that crap. It was a lot of fun while we were in it. Maybe I'll sneak in to the parade this year. I'll be the braless guy with the trumpet... "oh I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener..."

Favorite Issues From The Past