I'm sorry I haven't written for awhile. It's just that I have been very busy rearranging my wardrobe for the post-Memorial Day season.  It's difficult to remember all the fashion rules that society imposes on us throughout the year.  Let's review them, shall we?

As we all know, you cannot wear white between Labor Day and Memorial Day.  So considering that this is the Memorial Day weekend, Ladies and Gentlemen, you can now break out the white pants, shorts, skirts, dresses and shoes.   Additionally, you may continue to wear the "winter white" versions of all your wardrobe as there are no restrictions on clothing articles of this color.  Those who follow the fashion trends religiously can start using toothpaste again.

Between the days of February 12 and March 13, one should never wear a stove pipe hat or a purple dickey.  Once again, that's a purple dickey.   Actually, one should never wear a purple dickey ever, but that's just my opinion.

On June 27th, the day on which we in America celebrate "It's Almost Independence Day", it's the famous "Wearin' 'o' the BBQ Aprons" in honor of the approaching holiday.  It's always fun to walk around work with the "Kiss the Chef" apron on. Some fashion observers feel it is necessary to point out that one should wear one's normal clothing under the apron on this day.  My Dad would often forget and parade off to the office butt naked under his "One Cooked Weenie, Coming Up!" apron.

Nothing much happens on the fashion calendar until mid October. On the 13th of that month it's "Expose Your Briefs" day in honor of the GI's in World War II who wore their underwear on the outside of their uniforms during the Battle of Cotton Island.  General Hank "Crazy Crank" Crawson commanded the entire 45th and 46th tactical divisions of the fighting first flank, Eagle Battalion, Monkey Brigade to swap the order in which they dressed in hopes of turning some bad luck into good.  The stunned enemy forces were caught off guard and Crawson's fashion goof helped the more than 2000 troops win the battle and seize the island.  All of that proved to be pretty pointless.  Apparently there were only seven people stranded on the island.  A terrible storm had blown them off course during a three hour tour.   A three hour tour.

And of course, always remember that during the late year holiday season (Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day and Return The Gifts Day), never wear blue socks with brown shoes unless you have black laces.  I don't know why but damn it, just don't do it!