What's Up With That?

by Tom Kuzeja - May 31, 1999

What's Up With That?

Poor sweaty old dude

So I'm out cutting my lawn yesterday. I'm wearing a t-shirt and shorts and old work boots that look like crap. I'm all sweaty and my thumb and index finger on my left hand are all bashed up from when I whacked them with a rubber mallet while working on my brick walkway. So I'm looking pretty disgusting all around. In addition to this, I've got a couple of horseflies buzzing around my head and mosquitoes landing on my back and shoulders. I'm waving my hands around like a lunatic trying to get these things away from me. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I wear a red hearing protector headset while I cut the lawn. Do you have this image in your mind yet? The nerdy, headset wearing, sweaty, arms flapping randomly at flies, bashed up finger middle aged guy cutting his lawn.

That's when the college girls with bikinis drive up.

Oh they weren't there to see me. They were stopping by the neighbor's across the street. Their son was having a pool party and from the looks of it, he invited the entire ladies beach volleyball team to join him.

So naturally, being a bonehead, I'm out there thinking "oh yeah, I'm looking fine. Yeah, Baby, check me out. Doesn't my lawn look awesome. Yeah. Like these shorts? Ooops. Dropped my nerdy headset. Let me just bend over and pick it up." And the college girls in bikinis are probably thinking "look at that old guy over there. I wonder if he has some sort of muscle spasm problem. His arms keep randomly twitching. Gross. Nice lawn though. He must have a young son who usually takes care of it."

Eventually they nailed me for looking at them and they gave me a wave... a kind of "you poor sad man" wave.

But hey, they were in bikinis.

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