What's Up With That?

Ready or not...

Hello world! Yes, I am still very much alive. I have been very busy and as such have not been able to write a column or at least one that meets my four readers' high level of expectation. So let's see if I can change that today. Big Bro has provided a very good What's Up With That? article of his own in my guestbook; meander on over there to see it when you get a chance and sign the damn guestbook while you're there please! Jeepers!

Where have I been? I was meeting with Saturday Night Live producer Lorne Michaels about an idea for a movie based on a character that appeared one time only in the 12:50 AM sketch. The character was called "The Silly Guy with a Big Nose" and Lorne thought for sure we could gross about $250,000 on the film. Gotta love those Saturday Night Live Character Sketch films.

After that business meeting, I flew off to West Passlego, New Mexico to sign copies of my new book The Guy Who Was Full Of It. Boy my arm was tired signing about 20 of those books! Thank God they had shelf space for them all.

You know, being a world famous wise ass can sure take a lot out of you. I needed to recharge my batteries so I did some relaxing at the Malibu hillside estate of Sandra Bullock. She shared with me some heart warming stories of her youth including how awkward she was and how she was picked on because her real last name was Paper. Yep. Sandy Paper. She said the worst part of it was when the kids teased her and called her names like "Dimples" and "Cutie Pie" and "Ouch". Wow! How devastating. Kids can be so cruel. Apparently her mother would get in on it and scream out around suppertime, "Sandy Paper! Sandy Paper! Time to eat!" How cruel! How cruel!

Anyway, after taking some medication (my IQ level is dangerously high), I took the red eye back to Boston. I was greeted by Zlor, the magic elf king of the fifth moon of planet Quuendoor. He was so silly, jumping on my earlobe and dancing the Pasquet Dance on my eyelids. Silly elf king! He said he was sick of dancing the Traditional Tradition Dance of Tradition and hey, who can blame him? Certainly not me!

Well, they're telling me I have to go now. My head spinning and we're having something yellow for dinner now. Yippee!