What's Up With That?

by Tom Kuzeja - August 5, 1999

What's Up With That?

Hey, what's the deal?

Some folks have been bugging me and pointing out to me that I haven't exactly been cranking out the articles lately. This is true but I have some good reasons.

First off, I have been working on some very hush hush projects at work that require an extraordinary amount of time and effort. No I am not talking about the battle to stay awake, I'm talking about Project H. I can't say much about it but I can tell you it involves cameras, cattle, phosphorescent chemicals, balloons, halogen lamps and cardboard. Recently we eliminated the need for duct tape and chalk. I've probably said too much already. Suffice it to say, my ankles are really sore.

Another thing that's been keeping me away from the simple pleasure of updating this ridiculously silly and trivial column is lack of funding. So please, dig deep and send some contributions.

And now, I'll take some questions from my readers.

Johnny K of Bidet, CA writes: "After failure upon failure to be even slightly humorous, why do you insist on taking up precious network bandwidth and writing more drivel?"

Johnny K! You owe me money. Apparently your genital warts have flared up again and you're all cranky. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, when this happens, take a break from crossdressing so that the pantyhose you're wearing doesn't irritate you further.

Inmate 6128845 from Walpole writes: "Hey sweet cheeks. You got a perty mouth. I bet you like talking all that fancy talk. I bet you drop the soap a lot in the shower."

Hey I know you! You took my lunch money in 7th grade. And I use liquid soap, buddy! And don't think that was an invitation!

Blair W. of Maryland writes: "I am a witch. I will get you."

Get in line, Sister.

Hey look, I don't have any more time for this crap. Send me better questions. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get back to work and feed the cattle.

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