I feel like I haven't written in awhile.  Tonight I must, especially since I am just so happy to be alive.  Am I a survivor of a near death experience?  Did I witness an accident on the highway?   No.  I spent an afternoon cutting down trees at my brother's house.

There aren't many things worse than a nerd cutting down a tree.   However, one of them would be two nerds cutting down a tree.  I would consider myself to be fairly bright, my brother even more so.  Felling trees doesn't fall into the "things we do well or can figure out" category.

Everything was going okay.  I was cutting up trees 20, 30, 40 even 50 feet tall!  Unfortunately, these were trees that had already fallen onto the ground.  I was tempting fate when I wanted to take down something in the ten foot range that was standing.

After knocking down a few of these, I started to get cocky.  I pushed it to the 20 foot category and successfully put down a decaying birch tree.  I should have quit there.  Instead, I eyed a 50 foot dead oak just begging to be laid to rest.  My brother looked at me.  I looked at my brother.  One thing worse than two nerds cutting down a tree... two nerds and a chainsaw cutting down a tree.

I made the first cut after we carefully planned a trajectory for this looming beast.  Being smart guys, we planned ahead and got a rope to help us guide the tree on its course.  After about 30 attempts, I finally got the rope around one of the sturdier branches about 20 feet up.  I fired up the saw and started the back cut.  Everything was going smoothly.  The tree began to fall and my brother pulled the rope.  Together, we guided that beast toward the ground.  It was magnificent!  Right up to the part where it fell into a much healthier and sturdier oak tree.

After about 10 minutes of looking at each other, we took action.   Another thing worse than two nerds and a chainsaw... two nerds, a chainsaw and a sledge and wedge.

We started bashing this poor oak and cutting it and bashing it and cutting it and pulling it and bashing it and sledging it and twisting it.  We were hacking at this project in a manner that software engineers would be ashamed of.  We needed to regroup.

We brainstormed some ideas. Around the time the sun went down, we got desperate.  We jettisoned our twelfth idea which included using fifteen pulleys and a series of complex counterweights to suspend the base of the tree in midair while we cut away at it.  Also by this time, sixteen or so neighbors had formed a group of bystanders watching from the road with flashlights.

In a stroke of management genius, I delegated the task of the tree removal to ten of the bystanders.  They never knew what hit them as I barked orders at them and humiliated them in front of their neighbor peers.  Together we brought that tree down.  My brother and I stood triumphant.  The moon was rising as we high fived.  The throng of neighbors left and we finished the task of cutting the beast up.

What lessons did I learn?  Well... I had worn my best lumberjack gear, plaid flannel shirt, jeans, work boots.  I had a good chainsaw and a helpful partner.  Yet, I couldn't get that tree to fall without the help of all the neighbors who in the end, did all of the real work and brought that tree to the ground.   What did I learn?  Never hire two nerds to cut down your trees.