Okay, ever notice an outrageous, perhaps conspiratorial (and if that ain't a real word, I blame the spell checker) societal occurrence that becomes part of mainstream life so quickly, that people don't take offense to it, they merely accept it? Well, if that sentence made any sense at all to you (I'm just trying to add some multisyllabic words to my stuff... trying to keep up with Jim's Daily Rant... thank God I have my notes in front of me), you undoubtable know that I am talking about The Great Frozen Treat Travesty!!!
Stroll through the frozen food section of any grocery store and you'll see many familiar treats from childhood. There's the ever popular Popsicles and Fudgesicles, ice cream bars, bomb pops, on and on and on. At first glance, one is delighted to see all the old favorites PLUS a whole set of new yummy and exotic frozen fun fests filled with as much neon artificial coloring as you can legally (I wonder) pack into an edible product. Purchase any of the current set of products and bring it home and you are ready for instant disappointment.
Take the ice cream bars for example. I remember creamy vanilla ice cream covered with a nice layer of frozen chocolate, so much to eat and so little time. Today's ice cream bar... a downsized version of its ancestor. Perhaps 80% of its original size with a chocolate layer so thin, it may break if you look too hard at it. It's cousin the fudgesicle suffers from the same shrinkage.
Oh sure, you may say, "But, Ted, when you were younger, of course the ice cream bar looked bigger in your hands." I'm not talking about 20 years ago people... I'm talking about maybe 10 years ago and believe you me, not everything I held in my hands 10 years ago looks smaller in said hands today!
Let's move on to the basic frozen treat staple... the popsicle. Wasn't the popsicle a single unit that spanned not one but two popsicle sticks?! Today's version is a single stick cylindrical midget. What's up with that?! What has happened to the between the sticks sloppy middle? I suspect that in a few years, the baby boomers will be treated to a nostalgic sloppy middle frozen treat revival... "Frozen Middles" much like today's donut holes.
Friends, I am outraged that the dumbing down of America includes our frozen desserts. A child was once able to develop problem solving skills and physical dexterity while trying to devour a double sticked treat on a hot summer afternoon.
Frozen treat manufacturers, hang your heads in shame. May your next ice cream headache not be a downsized one.
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